If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
