What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
