The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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