Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
