i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't deserve a penis
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
