someone get that fucking seahorse.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
