I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
