I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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