i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
