im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
