you traded sex for a burrito?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
