how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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