No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
