Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
