You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
