Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
