Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
