And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
