Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
