I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
