This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
