I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
