Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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