you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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