Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
