Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My ass is underappreciated
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
