Screwed.edu
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you made out with another girl for some wings
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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