I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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