she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
