I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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