this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
