Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
