OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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