dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
