oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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