When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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