it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
try to milk me bitch
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