When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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