Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
