Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
