The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
