Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
