dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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