So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
