i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
