my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
