I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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