just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
