WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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