I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
