i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
